RECENT POSTS

I want to be illegal.

Joined
Dec 31, 1969
Messages
29,298
Likes
772
Location
Dallas
#1
Ref Bush's dying (hopefully) "Comprehensive" immigration bill. Funny stuff. Sad, but funny.

BECOMING ILLEGAL (Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator)

The Honorable Tom Harkin
731 Hart Senate Office Building
Phone (202) 224 3254
Washington DC 20510


Dear Senator Harkin:

As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from US Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fi ne and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.

Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I cou ld save almost $10,000 a year.

Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to beco me illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative.

Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,

Donald Ruppert
Burlington, IA
 

SpDyKen

Lifetime Sponsor
Joined
Mar 27, 2005
Messages
1,237
Likes
1
#2
That's great! Sad, because it is the truth, but incredibly well written letter!
 
Joined
Jan 27, 2000
Messages
6,959
Likes
42
#3
That would really be funny, if it wasn't so damn true. :(
 

mx547

Ortho doc's wet dream
Joined
Nov 24, 2000
Messages
4,767
Likes
65
#4
From the L.A.Times


1. 40% of all workers in L.A. County ( L.A. County has 10.2 million
people) are working for cash and not paying taxes. This is because they are predominantly illegal immigrants working without a green card.

2. 95% of warrants for murder in Los Angeles are for illegal aliens.

3. 75% of people on the most wanted list in Los Angeles are illegal
aliens

4. Over 2/3 of all births in Los Angeles County are to illegal alien
Mexicans on Medi-Cal , whose births were paid for by taxpayers.

5. Nearly 35% of all inmates in California detention centers are
Mexican nationals here illegally.

6. Over 300,000 illegal aliens in Los Angeles County are living in
garages.

7. The FBI reports half of all gang members< /SPAN> in Los Angeles
are most likely illegal aliens from south of the border.

8. Nearly 60% of all occupants of HUD properties are illegal.

9. 21 radio stations in L.A are Spanish speaking.

10. In L.A. County 5.1 million people speak English, 3.9 million
speak Spanish. (There are 10.2 million people in L.A. County).

(All of the above are from the Los Angeles Times)

Less than 2% of illegal aliens are picking our crops, but 29% are on
welfare.

Over 70% of the United States ' annual population growth (and over 90% of California , Florida , and New York ) results from immigration.

29% of inmates in federal prisons are illegal aliens.