More Friday Humor...

LoriKTM

Super Power AssClown
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#1
1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?

4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts", and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

8. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.

10. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

11. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

12. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

13. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

14. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

15. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

16. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that: electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

17. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it FedUP?

18. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

19. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

20. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam.

21. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

22. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?

23. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

24. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

25. No one ever says, "It's only a game", when their team is winning.

26. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

27. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

28. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

29. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
 

BSWIFT

Sponsoring Member<BR>Club Moderator
N. Texas SP
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Nov 25, 1999
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#2
LOL!

Isn't Congress the opposite of Progress?
 

CNM

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Dec 28, 1999
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#3
LMAO!! :)

#6 & #15 are hillarious! These post are becoming the best part of Friday.:confused:
 
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#4
What do you get when you mix State Farm and Prudential???

""Get a piece of your neighbor"":confused:
 

RM_guy

Scared of DirtWeek<BR>Club *********
Damn Yankees
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Nov 21, 2000
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#5
I like the last one best.

“Oh, preparation E burned a bit? Here, try F”:scream:
 

MX265

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#6
Thank you. Badly needed this week. Nothing funny, I mean absolutely nothing funny at all happened this week until now. Take a look in the flame forum if you want to know why. This is the first glimpse of humor I have seen in a week. This helps. :)
 

yarbonwick

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#7
Originally posted by LoriKTM
1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
I once asked someone I was booking in if they were of Oriental descent. They replied "Oriental is a rug, I'm Asian." OOPS!
 

nephron

Dr. Feel Good
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Jun 15, 2001
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#8
I abhor jokes, and the only one I can remember is the only one that ever "shocked" me. You know, that adrenaline thing. Goes something like this.

"Did ya hear Jeffry Dalmer dumped his girlfriend?"

"Yeah, he took a crap";)

No flames, I know it's terrible. :o
 

JuliusPleaser

Too much of a good thing.
Joined
Nov 22, 2000
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#10
A Better One?

Originally posted by nephron
I abhor jokes, and the only one I can remember is the only one that ever "shocked" me. You know, that adrenaline thing. Goes something like this.

"Did ya hear Jeffry Dalmer dumped his girlfriend?"

"Yeah, he took a crap";)

No flames, I know it's terrible. :o
Jeffrey Dahmer and his mother are having dinner. Mom looks at Jeffrey and says "Jeffrey, I don't like your friends."

Jeffrey smiles and says "That's OK, Mom. Just have some more vegetables."
 

XRpredator

AssClown SuperPowers
Damn Yankees
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Aug 2, 2000
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#11
Re: Re: More Friday Humor...

Originally posted by yarbonwick
I once asked someone I was booking in if they were of Oriental descent. They replied "Oriental is a rug, I'm Asian." OOPS!
Talk about un-PC! This is the one that always gets me. If men from Ireland are Irishmen, men from England are Englishmen, men from France are Frenchmen, why can't men from China be Chinamen?:silly:
 

biglou

#12
When they were taking the refrigerator out of Dahmer's apartment, the officer in charge told the two men carrying it "Don't drop that refrigerator or heads are gonna roll.":scream: