Tough to be a man

Tony Eeds

Godspeed Tony.
N. Texas SP
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#1
Do you know how tough it is being a man...?

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist.

If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.

If you work too hard there is never any time for her.

If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation.

If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your ass and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism.

If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.

If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.

If you cry, you're a wimp.

If you don't, you're an insensitive *******.

If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist.

If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.

If she asks you, it's a favor.

If you appreciate the female form and frilly lingerie, you're a pervert.

If you don't, you're gay.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist.

If you don't, you're unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain.

If you don't, you're a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you're after something.

If you don't, you're not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements, you're full of yourself.

If you don't, you're not ambitious enough.

If she has a headache, she's tired.

If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.

If you want it too often, you're oversexed.

If you don't, there must be someone else.

NO WONDER MEN DIE BEFORE WOMEN
 

Dapper

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#3
Aint it the truth :confused:
 

Jon K.

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#5
It's good to be a man.

Your butt is never a factor in a job interview.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

You don't have to shave below your neck.

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.

Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.

Wedding Dress, $2,000. Tux rental, $100.

You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too "icky".

If you retain water, it's in a canteen.

People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister or mangle your feet.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

One mood, all the damn time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.

You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking, "He must be mad at me."

If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.

You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24, in minutes.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

One wallet, one color, all seasons.

You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.

The world is your urinal
 

Casper250

Motosapien
Joined
Dec 12, 2000
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#6
NO WONDER MEN DIE BEFORE WOMEN

LOL


What is this all about?
My driveway is 61.8 feet long ... and gravel
 

Michelle

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Oct 26, 1999
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#7
Ooh damn, my mother thought she was having a boy when she was pregnant with me - I've got some definite male traits.
I have riding boots, doc martens, tramping boots & sneakers.
I've just bought a handbag as the other one died a couple of years back.
My wedding dress cost $170NZ & I begrudged paying that much for a dress.
My husband goes mad at me for being on internet when he wants to phone a friend & I hate having to wait 3 hours for him to get off the bloody thing, then when I ask what the gossip was, it's "nothing, so & so didn't have anything to say" - well, 3 hours to say nothing?
I keep being told I should iron my clothes - why?
I get my hair cut every so often - sometimes even as frequent as a year.
My mother organised our wedding as I wanted nothing to do with it (after telling her the ground rules, of course).
I use a paperclip to clean my nails (what I have of them).
I hate crying in public, it's embarrassing.

The one thing I really envy you guys with, is you just have to find the nearest tree - I have to find a bush to squat behind - plus basically strip, whereas you guys just flop it out & off ya go, all the while having a conversation with whoever is in hearing distance.

I do admit to having to think what way to turn a bolt, but that's especially true for the oil drain plug.
 

Tony Eeds

Godspeed Tony.
N. Texas SP
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#9
:worship: Michelle
my kind of gal :thumb:
 

Green Horn

aka Chip Carbone
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#10
Originally posted by Tony Eeds
:worship: Michelle
my kind of gal :thumb:
Hell yeah...and I bet most of us would overlook the "not know which way to turn a bolt" thing. :cool:
 

Tony Eeds

Godspeed Tony.
N. Texas SP
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#12
Originally posted by Casper250
What is this all about?
My driveway is 61.8 feet long ... and gravel
Ahhh my friend, one MUST come to DirtWeek to understand some of the intricate sub-level communication present on the site. :thumb:

It is a play on a Sargism :laugh:
 

Jon K.

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#13
Well, as I have already blatently hi-jacked Tonys thread, and in the spirit of equal access; this is another one I dug up. Please excuse the "first person" presentation.

ITS GOOD TO BE A WOMAN

We got off the Titanic first.

We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.

Taxis stop for us.

We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo.

We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.

If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear.

We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

We have the ability to dress ourselves.

We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.

There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

We'll never regret piercing our ears.

We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence, because they aren't listening anyway.
 

bbbom

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#15
Originally posted by Michelle
Ooh damn, my mother thought she was having a boy when she was pregnant with me
Don't know if that works Michelle, I just knew I was having a girl when Pat was born and I can't think of any female traits in him. Well, sometimes he does have to stop & think about which way to turn a bolt though but hey, he's only 11!

I have no idea what my mom thought she was going to have when I was born but I do know that when I was 18 and she went to get a copy of my official birth cert for my passport (I was heading to Europe to play volleyball), the cert had an M instead of an F for sex! :scream:

She had it changed cause she swore that I was a girl and I had always been a girl. I still have the affidavit attached to my cert for when it was changed. I figure it explains a LOT of my personality!

Like the old saying goes "Women will NEVER really be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer belly and KNOW that they are truly beautiful"

Damn, I feel so pretty! :)