Holiday Fruitcake Recipe

[A-RustyDemon]

HOLIDAY FRUITCAKE RECIPE

1 cup water
1 cup sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup brown sugar
lemon juice
nuts
1 gallon whiskey


Sample the whiskey to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again to be sure it is of the highest quality. Pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup butter in a large, fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again. Make sure the whiskey is break 2 legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something. Who cares?

Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whiskey again. Go to bed. Who the hell likes fruitcake anyway?

:)

 

[CanadianRidr]

:) :)

Ahh too funny! As I was reading it I was thinking....hmm this is making no sense, :)

 

[JPIVEY]

Very funny

 

[biglou]

The funny thing is, there is always someone (and you know who you are!) that insists they have a fruitcake recipe that "Doesn't taste like fruitcake at all. It's really good!" No it's not! If it's fruitcake, it sucks! If it doesn't taste like fruitcake, but you're calling it fruitcake, guess what? It's just a cake! Cake is good. Fruitcake sucks! I cringe every holiday season whenever I get the old, "Here, try this. It's fruitcake, but this is good fruitcake. It doesn't even taste like fruitcake." :silly: Well, guess what? It does taste like fruitcake. You know why? Because it is a fruitcake! Jeez! If it doesn't taste like fruitcake, it's not a fruitcake. "Well, I took a conventional fruitcake recipe, and changed each and every ingredient, ommitted the fruit, and it tastes fine! It's basically a box cake mix with some of that canned frosting spread on top. But since I started with a fruitcake recipe, that's what it is!" Wrong! It's just a cake, you fruitcake! :p

So, in summation-Lou hates fruitcake!

PS: The first one of you who sends me a fruitcake will get a visit from Vic "The Brick" Cardalucci, who will somehow be under the impression that you are behind on your gambling debt payments... :debil:

 

[IrishEKU]

Lou, they do make a convienant door stop or chock block in a pinch. lol

 

[CR Swade]

Lou gets like 30 fruitcakes from the KC Riders group...ah yes, good times awaitin' :confused: