"No fault" divorce....huh?

trial_07 said:

I've heard about that Chili, but it isn't the only reason. Marriage is not the same as it used to be, presently I don't see the significance. But again I'm only a little kid right and I don't know what I'm talking about! One of my friends who is 2 years older than me is getting married soon, we had a pretty long and interesting discussion. I certainly respect people who decide to marry, it is something wonderful, but I'm not interested. I'd save up on a nice trip down south instead :cool:

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never been married , but ive been divorced twice. if ya know what i mean. youre right paper means nothing unless its a prenup

Vic said:

You need to find some new friends. :ohmy:

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maybe it's a SoCal thing?

Vic said:

You need to find some new friends. :ohmy:

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:rotfl: Maybe.....

I'm curious as to why people think that because one person decided to no longer be in the relationship they should be punished by losing more of there assets.

You entered a relationship together and built assets together.
A wife or husband that sits at home and takes care of the family is contributing just as much as the one bring home the money.

So your feelings got hurt boo hoo, move on. We live in a word of cry babies that want to punish anyone that hurts there feelings. A 50/50 split sounds logical to me.

50/50 split is logical, for sure! But do you realize that the guy rarely gets the 50? If he does, then hurry up and bring this to court, you'll get more money! Fathers in a divorce are unfortunately very unlucky since the mother has an enormous advantage if it is ever taken to court.

nsxxtreme said:

So your feelings got hurt boo hoo, move on.

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Obviously you've never lived a divorce!

trial_07 said:

Obviously you've never lived a divorce!

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Nope never been divorced what's that got to do with anything? Never been married either.

My current relationship I have been in for 12 years. Saddly longer then most people have been married. If she decided to leave me ya it would suck. But I dont see taking part of her assets as being justified either.

I would split everything 50/50 and move on. There is nothing more pathetic then someone wanting or forcing someone else to be in a relationship they clearly dont want to be in.

nsxxtreme said:

There is nothing more pathetic then someone wanting or forcing someone else to be in a relationship they clearly dont want to be in.

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What's that got to do with anything?

nsxxtreme said:

Nope never been divorced what's that got to do with anything? Never been married either.

My current relationship I have been in for 12 years. Saddly longer then most people have been married. If she decided to leave me ya it would suck. But I dont see taking part of her assets as being justified either.

I would split everything 50/50 and move on. There is nothing more pathetic then someone wanting or forcing someone else to be in a relationship they clearly dont want to be in.

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I see you as a very understanding, thoughtful, and compassionate person ;) Keep it up :cool:

trial_07 said:

I see you as a very understanding, thoughtful, and compassionate person ;) Keep it up :cool:

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I dont see how how taking part of her assets solves anything. What your really trying to do is punish the person for hurting your feelings. Which I dont agree with. Leaving in a dignified fashion will do more to "punish" the person then trying to steal assets that both of you worked together to gain. Trying to punish the person financially more then likely only makes it even clearer why they are leaving you to begin with.

2-Strokes 4-ever said:

No fault? In my opinion, the statement itself isn't even logical.
I've had a good friend for well over 20 years. He and his wife, my wife and I, would get together about once a month for dinner and some drinks.......we did this for years, until they just stopped. I had asked my buddy Joe "how things were" and he told me he and his wife were seperated. He acted confused as to why......20 plus years being married, he made a good living, his wife trusted him (and rightly so), 3 kids, and she was an at-home mom. She left their home, the kids, everything........saying "I just don't find you attractive anymore, you're no fun, I love you but I'm not IN LOVE with you."
I watched Joe thru 2 years of hell, little sleep, blood pressure thru the roof, etc. I have never seen a guy so hurt and broken........especially when he found out it was an affair. Once he found out, she came home and he tried to get thru it, but it didn't work. He told me "after almost 25 years of going out in high school, and then married for over 20, you'd think you'd know someone."
And then to add insult to injury, we live in a "no fault" state! Divorce is a 50/50 split here in Missouri!
So, let me get this law straight........walk away from everything, cheat on spouse, cheat on kids, inlaws, folks, brothers, sisters, etc.
No fault? How in the world does that make sense? BULLCRAP!

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She abandoned her family and now requests things she did not work for, and that should make sense? I think the 50/50 law in this case is unfair. Being in this woman's skin, I'd be ashamed and would try to keep things quiet. Just my opinion founded on the quoted post assuming it is all true!

trial_07 said:

She abandoned her family and now requests things she did not work for, and that should make sense? I think the 50/50 law in this case is unfair. Being in this woman's skin, I'd be ashamed and would try to keep things quiet. Just my opinion founded on the quoted post assuming it is all true!

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i hardly think anyone would lie about a subject as serious as this one. :| :(

trial_07 said:

She abandoned her family and now requests things she did not work for, and that should make sense? I think the 50/50 law in this case is unfair. Being in this woman's skin, I'd be ashamed and would try to keep things quiet. Just my opinion founded on the quoted post assuming it is all true!

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Sounds like she was a stay at home mom. This means she didn't work? Ha I'd call that work, if you dont think so look into what it would cost to put 3 kids in daycare. I'd rather go to work then sit at home with the kids. I even have a maid to clean my house which costs a pretty penny. And if they guy had an issue with her not having a job then he shouldn't have married her in the first place. Sounds like he was fine with it and now that she wants to leave he wants to leave her with nothing.

i hardly think anyone would lie about a subject as serious as this one.

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really?? how many of your buddies know how you act behind closed doors. To say this guy did nothing because he knows his buddy........well he wasn't in the marriage so he really doesn't know. People dont look elsewhere unless looking to fiill a void. Finally the other person is always to blame in a break up.

I have friends that leave there women sitting at home all the time. They go out with there friends while the wife sits at home with the kids. They see nothing wrong with this. Are most men honestly this clueless? Dont you think women get bored too?

kawicam250 said:

i hardly think anyone would lie about a subject as serious as this one. :| :(

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The post is biased; truth in a nice outfit if you will.

I understand your point nsxxtreme, it is a very delicate situation.

To the OP, I feel bad for your friend and wish him the best of lucks! He's the one in charge of the kids now? If yes, he should try to at least "look" happy with them. What killed me when my parents separated was to see them unhappy. So yeah, moving on...

From having gone through a divorce in MO and having a couple of buds go through a divorce in MO...this 50/50 deal as stated isn't quite accurate. The main sticking point for most divorces is sibling custody, which MO is very much still a primary assignment state. The state very much still will try to primarily assign custody to the mother...regardless of who filed, unless one of the spouses has committed felonious or documented abusive acts.

The 50/50 asset standard is a good starting point which then can be negotiated through moderation. Its better to have a fair start playing field than one which automatically defaults everything to the wife. The other sticking point is alimony, which since she stepped out, alimony is gone from her standpoint.

The kids are were the real financial gains/jabs come into play. I had to go back to court to get a true 50/50 joint custody (instead of her being listed as the primary) which now gave me equal say in how my kids day to day as well as future plans were handled. That sure didn't take away the child support issue as she was still entitled to monthly child support as per MO even though I now had my sons equally, if not more.

What I have found in EVERY divorce (yes even mine)...I mean EVERY divorce is there are two sides, the lawyers interpretations and then somewhere hidden away from both parties versions is the nasty, ugly truth. This one is no exception...ya'll are hearing bits and pieces.

nsxxtreme, until you go through it don't be so certain that you know anything about what divorce implies and means to the people going through it. Believe me, when it happens to you, if it does...everything thing you thought you knew and almost every person you thought you "knew" will be shaken right down to the core. Bitter and scarred doesn't even begin to describe the black years of actually going through divorce. I'd liken it more to trying to fathom a loved-one dying in terms of grief...only they are still here, trying desperately to win a smear battle that has casualties of friends that turn on you, credit/collections problems due to the financial shock, confused and hurt children that take years if not a lifetime to understand why mommy and daddy split up, years of hard work and property gone in a pen swipe as well as future earnings, knowing deep in your heart that you would like nothing more than to have your family back but since you can't you have to stay close to protect and raise your kids all while watching another move into your "place" in what used to be your household...yeah that one is tough and you have to be a man as well as the father that you are trying to teach your kids to grow up to be. You have no idea on that which you speak so flippantly about...and I just touched on the tip of what a man feels when his wife goes away. You can see your loved one, still have to talk to her, she's gone but not gone...and the senses can't make that compute for awhile. Those are the dark days. The REAL dark stuff isn't for internet bull$hit viewing.

Yeah it eventually goes away if it doesn't kill you or steal your soul via bottle or drugs...but trust me it isn't as easy as turning off some sort of heart switch

copyright source unknown:


Sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things a man needs to believe in the most. That people are basically good; that honor, courage, and virtue mean everything; that power and money mean nothing; that good always triumphs over evil, that true love never dies. Doesn't matter if it's true or not. You see, a man should believe in those things, because those are the things worth believing in

ellandoh said:

copyright source unknown:


Sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things a man needs to believe in the most. That people are basically good; that honor, courage, and virtue mean everything; that power and money mean nothing; that good always triumphs over evil, that true love never dies. Doesn't matter if it's true or not. You see, a man should believe in those things, because those are the things worth believing in

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It is the only thing that keeps you going when things get really black...I was lucky and made it through ok. Yeah I can still get choked up at holidays, our old anniversary, stuff like that but believing in doing the right thing by your namesake and your kids pulls you through. that's why i can't help but chuckle when I hear of people getting all bent about their "things" and having to divvie them up. yeha its a tough pill to swallow at first, but nothing like the crap you have to digest for REAL loss

Not to sound insensitive, but if the way you are describing is how you feel then it sounds as though you have never let go. Saying you let go and actually letting go are two different things. I came from a divorced family and it didn't bother me one bit that my parents were divorced.What mattered to me was the effort each parent made to be apart of my life.

I never said going through this process was easy. But what I was trying to say is try to take a persons assets and leave the other with nothing regardless of who is to blame is outrageous. I dont have any compassion for anyone that does this. I'd like to think that if I was to go through a break up we could split things up reasonably. I would never try to take from her what she worked just as hard to get as I did.

Saddly kids get in the middle and are used as pawns to get back at the other parent. This is the truly sad part. I would hope that I am a better judge of character before I decide to have a child witha person that would do this.

What kind of person actually thinks a stay at home parent doesn't work? Sounds like someone that is focused on the "me" instead of the "us".

If you ever live a divorce, and I absolutely do not wish you live one, come back here to share your new point of view ;)

Sounds like my dad's story CR Swade.

nsxxtreme said:

Saying you let go and actually letting go are two different things.

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Try being forced to let go...and sorry but the heart doesn't recognize everything that the head rationalizes to be true. Big difference between letting go and writing off what you thought was true. Letting go just means manning up and not using it as a crutch every day...you know, taking care of the kids and making sure everybody is fed, protected and knows they are loved at the end of the day. Which is even harder when you still have to take care of the one who left. Look, my day to day is strong. My business is thriving, I don't booze it up or anesthetize myself w/ drugs...I stay strong for my kids AND myself. Riding is stronger than its been in years...heck we raced in Pro class at Baja this year and lived to tell about it. But that doesn't mean I am not human and don't feel the scars from something that happened 5 years ago. The people that carry on like nothing ever happened are the real ticking time bombs

Maybe I'm hopeless and won't ever "let go" as you have put it, but that is the intangible that makes you say "I do" for life.

nsxxtreme said:

really?? how many of your buddies know how you act behind closed doors. To say this guy did nothing because he knows his buddy........well he wasn't in the marriage so he really doesn't know. People dont look elsewhere unless looking to fiill a void. Finally the other person is always to blame in a break up.

I have friends that leave there women sitting at home all the time. They go out with there friends while the wife sits at home with the kids. They see nothing wrong with this. Are most men honestly this clueless? Dont you think women get bored too?

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FYI, whenever im behind closed doors, im either praying, reading the Bible, or with my buddies( guys, not girls). im only 14, so i dont know anything about a divorce, but i just didnt think anyone would have a reason to lie about this situation. what would he get out of it??

I read this the other day:

There's nothing that can be put into a contract that will fully protect either of you if one of you plans to deceive the other.

My divorce was hard on me. Dirt biking was what we did together and I still think of her everytime I'm packing up for a ride.

KelvinKDX said:

I read this the other day:

There's nothing that can be put into a contract that will fully protect either of you if one of you plans to deceive the other.

My divorce was hard on me. Dirt biking was what we did together and I still think of her everytime I'm packing up for a ride.

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I hear you man...how long ago was it?

CR Swade said:

I hear you man...how long ago was it?

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April 9, 2004 ... Good Friday!

KelvinKDX said:

April 9, 2004 ... Good Friday!

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Hang in there...its gets better. PM me if you ever need anything