"No fault" divorce....huh?
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2-Strokes 4-ever
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OldTimer said:
This "modification" can be looked at from BOTH points of view...you love em, you want to do the right thing since the kids see it all...........it's a tough spot to be in, no doubt. However, I don't believe "just let go" is a reality.......you may WANT it to be, but it just doesn't happen.....pretty much a living hell I think.
yeah, i was pretty bitter about my divorce. not that my marriage was perfect, there were tough times but swade is right. the heart does not quit easily. i was lucky enough to not have kids in the middle of it. i had a great relationship with her family and though they wanted me around, it was too tough. i still keep in touch from time to time but when i was married it was a daily thing. her parents taught me more about life than my own. i believed in my vows and was ready to go till "death do us part". i knew she wasnt happy and i wasnt either but i was more hard headed than her. in the end she had enough and there wasnt anything i could do. how could vows before God be tossed aside?
two years of soul searching and this is the only thing that made sense to me.
1. marriage is supposed to be "unconditional" but we are human
2. i cannot make anybody happy.....i can only share happiness/contentment/ect
if your spouse is not satisfied with themselves, its a long bumpy road
3. its a day to day contract that either party can excuse themselves from......its each persons job to do the best that they can for each other and hopefully nobody will wake up going what the hell happened.
4. if you find yourself excused, hang in there, examine what happened and what YOU might of done to prevent it and take it with you to the next relationship.
5. the next time around might be so much better........in my case it is.
6. you will always have regrets but dont dwell on them.
i really feel for those people with kids. courts suck.
two years of soul searching and this is the only thing that made sense to me.
1. marriage is supposed to be "unconditional" but we are human
2. i cannot make anybody happy.....i can only share happiness/contentment/ect
if your spouse is not satisfied with themselves, its a long bumpy road
3. its a day to day contract that either party can excuse themselves from......its each persons job to do the best that they can for each other and hopefully nobody will wake up going what the hell happened.
4. if you find yourself excused, hang in there, examine what happened and what YOU might of done to prevent it and take it with you to the next relationship.
5. the next time around might be so much better........in my case it is.
6. you will always have regrets but dont dwell on them.
i really feel for those people with kids. courts suck.
- Jun 9, 2002
- 9,535
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Good thread.
Interesting to see the points of views of multiple generations. I wish my son and daughter (both members here) would clime in with their opinions, as they are the children of a divorce.
It is, and will always remain true, that marriage is not a 50/50 percent proposition, it is a 100/100 percent proposition. When both people do not work on a relationship, it will suffer. How do you define work? That is individual to each, and every, relationship.
I carry the sad distinction of having been through divorce multiple times. I have always adhered to the principals in ellandoh's post of a couple of pages back. That is what led me into the 2nd and, yes, 3rd marriage. Even with that, I continue to face the world with the qualities mentioned.
This has cost me emotionally a great deal of hurt and pain over the years, but I have grown stonger in each and every failure. I often hope and pray the same for my wives. Anger and bitterness, once a part of my daily rememberances, were but defense mechanisms to deal with the pain of failure. I now genuinely wish them happiness.
In experiencing multuple failures, I learned multiple lessons about myself and my choices. Some were not pretty, some downright ugly. Through it all I attempted to focus on the reality that the only control I had in the situation was, and is, over myself.
Moving on is a process and only time will make it easier. My 3rd wife (soulmate in my opinion) cut my heart out of my chest and took it with her when she left. I do not dwell on that fact, but indeed it is still reality. Does that mean that I died? No, but it does mean that I have finally begun the healthy process of building a life for myself that is balanced.
Love, laughter and love of life have returned to my daily persona. They were masked throughout much of my 30's and 40's by an insane need to be "part" of something, marriage, work, whatever.
Now I try and live for myself. The result of being honest in my feelings is a stronger relationship with myself, my loved ones and my friends.
Thank you all for your comments and special kudos to CR Swade, KelvinKDX and tx246 for posting their experiences. Guys, I know the pain of which we share.
To ellandoh, trial_07 and others, that are the children of the process, do not give up on love, laughter and yes, marriage. Marriage can be a special bond that sets a couple free assuming they enter a relationship with open eyes, hearts and a commitment to making it a 100% / 100% proposition.
Nothing is more powerful than knowing that you have someone in your corner that believes in you, cheers for you, and is willing to take you in their arms and comfort you when you fail.
Nothing!
Interesting to see the points of views of multiple generations. I wish my son and daughter (both members here) would clime in with their opinions, as they are the children of a divorce.
It is, and will always remain true, that marriage is not a 50/50 percent proposition, it is a 100/100 percent proposition. When both people do not work on a relationship, it will suffer. How do you define work? That is individual to each, and every, relationship.
I carry the sad distinction of having been through divorce multiple times. I have always adhered to the principals in ellandoh's post of a couple of pages back. That is what led me into the 2nd and, yes, 3rd marriage. Even with that, I continue to face the world with the qualities mentioned.
This has cost me emotionally a great deal of hurt and pain over the years, but I have grown stonger in each and every failure. I often hope and pray the same for my wives. Anger and bitterness, once a part of my daily rememberances, were but defense mechanisms to deal with the pain of failure. I now genuinely wish them happiness.
In experiencing multuple failures, I learned multiple lessons about myself and my choices. Some were not pretty, some downright ugly. Through it all I attempted to focus on the reality that the only control I had in the situation was, and is, over myself.
Moving on is a process and only time will make it easier. My 3rd wife (soulmate in my opinion) cut my heart out of my chest and took it with her when she left. I do not dwell on that fact, but indeed it is still reality. Does that mean that I died? No, but it does mean that I have finally begun the healthy process of building a life for myself that is balanced.
Love, laughter and love of life have returned to my daily persona. They were masked throughout much of my 30's and 40's by an insane need to be "part" of something, marriage, work, whatever.
Now I try and live for myself. The result of being honest in my feelings is a stronger relationship with myself, my loved ones and my friends.
Thank you all for your comments and special kudos to CR Swade, KelvinKDX and tx246 for posting their experiences. Guys, I know the pain of which we share.
To ellandoh, trial_07 and others, that are the children of the process, do not give up on love, laughter and yes, marriage. Marriage can be a special bond that sets a couple free assuming they enter a relationship with open eyes, hearts and a commitment to making it a 100% / 100% proposition.
Nothing is more powerful than knowing that you have someone in your corner that believes in you, cheers for you, and is willing to take you in their arms and comfort you when you fail.
Nothing!
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