"No fault" divorce....huh?

[2-Strokes 4-ever]

No fault? In my opinion, the statement itself isn't even logical.
I've had a good friend for well over 20 years. He and his wife, my wife and I, would get together about once a month for dinner and some drinks.......we did this for years, until they just stopped. I had asked my buddy Joe "how things were" and he told me he and his wife were seperated. He acted confused as to why......20 plus years being married, he made a good living, his wife trusted him (and rightly so), 3 kids, and she was an at-home mom. She left their home, the kids, everything........saying "I just don't find you attractive anymore, you're no fun, I love you but I'm not IN LOVE with you."
I watched Joe thru 2 years of hell, little sleep, blood pressure thru the roof, etc. I have never seen a guy so hurt and broken........especially when he found out it was an affair. Once he found out, she came home and he tried to get thru it, but it didn't work. He told me "after almost 25 years of going out in high school, and then married for over 20, you'd think you'd know someone."
And then to add insult to injury, we live in a "no fault" state! Divorce is a 50/50 split here in Missouri!
So, let me get this law straight........walk away from everything, cheat on spouse, cheat on kids, inlaws, folks, brothers, sisters, etc.
No fault? How in the world does that make sense? BULLCRAP!

 

[Papakeith]

Sorry for your friend. I can't, and hopefully never will fully understand the hell he's going through. Unfortunately, most of the laws out there cater to the people who are the ones least deserving of protection.

 

[ellandoh]

same thing with my uncle, except its 31 years and they even have grandchildren. she startsd going tothe gym, dying her hair, got a bellybutton ring, an apartment, and some younger dude :| .......amazing. but she did work for everything that THEY had as much as he did. i can see why she would get 1/2.
what if your wife sat home, didnt work , or contribute to the marriage, or make herself available to you. so you decide to look around a little bit---do you deserve to lose ALL of your things you worked for??

im not saying its this extreme in his case, but youve heard one side of the story right??

 

[kmccune]

Sorry to hear about your friend, I've heard of similar situations. But the 50/50 thing just seems wrong for this situation.

 

[BSWIFT]

I'm a divorcee and I lost 90%. My ex filed and took everything with her except the debt which the court thought I should get. 50-50 sounds much better to me even though it still sucks in your friends situation.

 

[2-Strokes 4-ever]

what if your wife sat home, didnt work , or contribute to the marriage, or make herself available to you. so you decide to look around a little bit---do you deserve to lose ALL of your things you worked for??

[/QUOTE
In my opinion, "so you decide to look around a little bit" is a choice you make, it's behind the sceens, it's sneaky, it's cheating. That's the point where you weigh the options and make your choice. And yes, I've heard her side. His pain IS justified and he didn't deserve sneaky......neither did the three kids.

 

[holeshot]

It doesn't matter if she fooled around with a dozen guys at the same time (when she was married). Any arguement wouldn't hold up in court anyway, because it's "he said, she said". Married people fooling around is the norm, not the exception.

If you're the male, you'd be lucky to get 50% in any situation, because lawyers have made it the popular thing to do. If you go to court, the first thing you'll notice is the anti-male posters and pamphlets in the area just outside the court, instructing women on how to rake you over the coals.

If your the male in a divorce case, prepare for a good b***tch slapping...

 

[JST122]

Tell it to Jeff Gordon. Talk about a guy who was raked over the coals. :bang: These situations suck and as is evidenced by your friend's, Jeff Gordon's, and many other people's situations, the man is the one who typically gets the short end of the stick in these situations. Its not right but somehow this is what has been determined to be the norm. :|

 

[robwbright]

If your the male in a divorce case, prepare for a good b***tch slapping...

That pretty much says it all.

IMO, part of this problem started when we let government start licensing marriage. Remember that in the judeo-christian tradition, marriage was instituted by God and divorce would only be permitted because of adultery, wife-beating, etc. . . The adulterous party would be "at fault" there - the Old Testament had them be stoned to death.

100 years ago, our great grandparents got married in front of a preacher and recorded the marriage in the family bible.

Anyway, why would you want the government to be a third party to your marriage contract?

Note the phrase your preacher has to say - "by the power vested in me by the State of _______." Since when does the state have ANY say in such private matters?

Once the government took marriage out of the private, religious sphere and started regulating marriages (and thus divorces), the politicians could then legislate whatever changes they wanted in the requirements for divorce. Obviously the requirements are far more lienient for both parties than they are under the judeo-christian tradition.

 

[JST122]

The adulterous party would be "at fault" there - the Old Testament had them be stoned to death.

Once the government took marriage out of the private, religious sphere and started regulating marriages (and thus divorces), the politicians could then legislate whatever changes they wanted in the requirements for divorce. Obviously the requirements are far more lienient for both parties than they are under the judeo-christian tradition.

I bet he would prefer to have her stoned to death than to lose half his hard earned possessions. ;)

 

[RYDMOTO]

As much as I hate divorce (going thru one I didn't want) I think the laws in themselves are pretty fair.Getting lawyers involved changes everything tho.If I ever find myself divorced again,I think the 50-50 rule is fair as I would want to walk away with my half of the contribution I made.I do have to say our focus should not be on the laws of divorce but in how to make a marriage work well.There are 2 issues at hand for your buddy.#1 was there were some sort of marital problems going on and I can be pretty sure she let him know if he looks back.The woman is almost always the relational borometer so all you have to do is ask the woman.Men are not normally as keen on that subject. #2 is the way she dealt with the problems by having an affair.These are two seperate issues and this will help your buddy not feel guilty as what he could have done to prevent all this.He needs to stay off that treadmill.The best thing he can do now is own what he needs to own about his contribution to the breakdown of his marriage and grow from there.Going thru my divorce was the most painful thing to go thru and one of the most life changing in ways I cannot count looking back now.I call is being born again-again.If there is a divorce recovery group in your area-by all means have him go-even if you have to go with him.Marriages can recover from adultry but the 2 have to find their own healing first.Then maybe things can work out.It seems when that adultry demon bites it sinks it jaws in and doesn't want to let go...thats why those people seem to nose dive in a huge ways..all their pain stored up and trying to be medicated by flings...in her case younger men etc.Trying to recapture whatever she thinks she lost is a bottomless pit.It will never be filled.All we can hope is she comes to her senses sooner than later.And trust me here...she will feel these repercussions and her choices the rest of her life.As for me I tried everything I could to try and save my marriage and i live guilt free knowing I did and my children know where I stand and how to make them work.I hope this helps in some way.

 

[MrLuckey]

I would hate to say that someone is on crack but.......come on lmao!

 

[RYDMOTO]

And who might that be???

 

[Vic]

Married people fooling around is the norm, not the exception.

You need to find some new friends. :ohmy:

 

[XRpredator]

You need to find some new friends. :ohmy:

I find myself agreeing with Vic here.

 

[Papakeith]

+1 for what Vic said

 

[bsmith]

One thing I think could be a huge factor is the Internet. Perfectly "content" people all of a sudden discover the internet with it's vast amount of websites, forums, and chat rooms.
What starts out as a curiosity turns into something more, then the need to met their online friends becomes overwhelming. Thus the happily married house wife discovers a whole new side of her that has been surpressed and the rest is history.

But I could be on crack :laugh:

 

[trial_07]

I feel bad hearing your story. My parents have divorced when I was 13 years old after living 16 years together with 3 kids. My father lived a very harsh period of his life so did I. My mother kept the house and kids. They did not fight in court luckily. So yeah that's hard times. I do not believe in marriage and never will I get married. A couple can be very happy without two rings IMO. In case separation comes up, you're sure not to lose everything. Marriage has lost significance, if you will, over the years and this is saddening.

 

[Chili]

I do not believe in marriage and never will I get married. A couple can be very happy without two rings IMO. In case separation comes up, you're sure not to lose everything.

I Know you're young, however if the only reason you don't believe in marriage is so you don't lose everything in a divorce I suggest you read up on the law regarding asset dispersal in common law marriage in Canada.

 

[Okiewan]

Anything lawyers are allowed to toy with has / will go to crap.

 

[oldguy]

One thing I think could be a huge factor is the Internet. Perfectly "content" people all of a sudden discover the internet with it's vast amount of websites, forums, and chat rooms.
What starts out as a curiosity turns into something more, then the need to met their online friends becomes overwhelming. Thus the happily married house wife discovers a whole new side of her that has been surpressed and the rest is history.

But I could be on crack :laugh:

That sure sounds how I ended up in a field in Ill-in-noise once and Oklahoma a couple other times :ride: :nod:

 

[mtk]

I Know you're young, however if the only reason you don't believe in marriage is so you don't lose everything in a divorce I suggest you read up on the law regarding asset dispersal in common law marriage in Canada.

He'd be better served by reading up on prenuptual agreements. :cool:

 

[trial_07]

I Know you're young, however if the only reason you don't believe in marriage is so you don't lose everything in a divorce I suggest you read up on the law regarding asset dispersal in common law marriage in Canada.

I've heard about that Chili, but it isn't the only reason. Marriage is not the same as it used to be, presently I don't see the significance. But again I'm only a little kid right and I don't know what I'm talking about! One of my friends who is 2 years older than me is getting married soon, we had a pretty long and interesting discussion. I certainly respect people who decide to marry, it is something wonderful, but I'm not interested. I'd save up on a nice trip down south instead :cool:

 

[BSWIFT]

That sure sounds how I ended up in a field in Ill-in-noise once and Oklahoma a couple other times :ride: :nod:

Amen, brother!

 

[RYDMOTO]

Me and BSMITH buy from the same dealer...so that splains that!! LOL