shaunwhite11188
Member
- Sep 7, 2007
- 12
- 0
when is it gonna be out??
Please read my story
- Thread starter dirtbike_freak
- Start date
olderndirtmom
Member
- Apr 28, 2007
- 424
- 1
It should be up before the weekend.
dirtbike_freak
Member
- Dec 10, 2006
- 211
- 0
- Thread starter
- #504
Chapter 21
Chapter 21
Jeff and Mark pulled into the parking lot of track. Mark got out and ran to the trailer to get his gear on for first practice. They were running a little bit late. 85 practice started at 8:45 and it was 8:38. By the time Mark got changed it was 8:43. He ran, started his bike and rode it to the gates where everyone was waiting to practice. He pulled up next to Bobby.
“Where have you been?” Bobby asked.
“We didn’t get our wake up call,” Mark said. Just then the flagger gave them the sign that it was ok to go. Mark was really feeling fast as he sped through the rough track. His confidence was high when he pulled off the track and went to get his other bike. Mark felt the same in Supermini practice. He was ready for his first moto.
Mark and Stephanie were talking to each other during the riders’ meeting. Mark was starting to realize he was liking Stephanie more than Payton and he didn’t know why. They weren’t really paying attention to the riders’ meeting until the announcer said, “I need everyone’s attention.” He waited for every one to look at him then said, “As you all know, this is round 8 of the USMXN series. There was originally supposed to be 11 rounds, but due to a shortage of money, next week will be the Final round of the series.” Everyone’s mouth dropped open, then immediately everyone was talking at the same time.
“Oh crap,” Mark said groaning.
“What?” asked Stephanie.
“That means it could come down to the last moto next week to decide if me or Gillworth wins.”
“Oh, I’m sure you’ll win,” Steph said.
“Yeah,” Mark said absentmindedly. “Maybe.” They listed the race order. Mark was moto’s 1 and 7. He went to get ready. Jeff was just as astounded as Mark to hear that the next week was the last round. They didn’t have much time to discuss it though, Mark’s 85A moto was first, so he started his bike up and rode it to the starting gates. He had first gate pick after Gillworth and picked a gate right next to him.
“Can you believe that next week is the last round?” Chris asked.
“Yeah, I know. Well at least this series will be over,” Mark said. After everyone got on the line, the card guy walked out onto the track and held up the card. Mark put his goggles on and revved up his bike. The card went sideways and the gate dropped. Mark pulled the holeshot and for some reason it seemed easy. ‘Probably because of the factory bike, and the holeshot device,’ he thought.
Mark flew up the first step up double and railed the next corner. He pulled ahead by a couple of seconds. As he came around a hairpin turn, Mark saw Blake Gopy cut the track and then he was ahead of Mark. Mark was furious! Didn’t anyone see that? There were no flaggers in the area.
‘Oh well,’ Mark thought. ‘I’ll re-pass him in a minute anyway.’ But Blake slowed down a bit and attempted to hit him. Mark was getting mad now, but he had promised himself that he wouldn’t hit Blake Gopy any more. After almost 2 laps of this, Mark had no choice. He had been dodging him.
As they came around a corner Mark tapped Blake and he fell. He got him out of the way. The white flag came out and Mark finished the lap and rode off the track. He was pretty happy with his performance considering on the last lap Jeff’s pit board had said he was 5 seconds ahead of Gillworth.
After Mark had gotten his helmet and jersey off and Jeff took his bike to go wash it, he went to tell Chris Gillworth good job.
“Good race,” Chris said when he saw Mark.
“You too,” Mark replied. “What happened?”
“I just couldn’t keep up,” said Chris, “Next moto then, huh?” Mark laughed and said, “See you later.” As he walked away he saw Payton walking toward Gillworth going to talk to him. Mark didn’t really care. He liked Stephanie more anyway.
Mark glanced at the starting gates and saw that race number 5 was on the line. He had to go get ready for Supermini. Mark put back on his jersey and rode over to the starting line. Once he got his gate pick, he shut off his bike and had Jeff hold it while he stretched. Jeff had been making him do that every time before he rode.
Mark was second in the start behind Mike Steward and started trying to pass him. After half a lap of Mark chasing Steward, Mark realized how good of a racer Steward was. Not only fast, but smart. When he was ahead and someone was trying to pass him, he wouldn’t stick to the outside lines, he would stay toward the inside which made him way harder to pass. Mark decided he would just have to pass him on the series of table tops that Mark was really fast at. After the second table top Mike and Mark were neck and neck. Then Mark got ahead. They exchanged positions over the next couple of laps. Then Steward passed Mark and took over the lead about 3 seconds ahead. But then Mark got on the gas and started railing some corners faster than Mike. Mark came into them so fast it was like he was halfway through a straightaway. Mark won the race by a good 4 seconds. He was grinning ear-to-ear when he pulled off the track and handed his bike off to Jeff.
Bobby, Stephanie and Payton all ran up to him. Mark high fived Bobby, and got a hug from both girls.
“That was great!” Stephanie said.
“Yeah,” Payton said, “You went really fast!”
Bobby snorted when she said this. “Well duh! He has to be going fast to win,” Bobby said. “I guess I’m gonna have to watch my back when I’m winning 85A and you’re behind me.” They laughed and started walking towards the Suzuki trailer. They walked by Chris Gillworth. He smiled at Payton.
As they walked away Mark said “Are you gonna ask him out?”
“What do you mean?”
“I saw him looking at you,” Mark said. She blushed and walked after Chris Gillworth.
“What do you think she’s doing?” Bobby asked.
“Probably going to talk to him,” Mark said.
Mark had spent 20 minutes looking at the points for 85A. He had finally figured out that if Gillworth won the next moto, then next week if they went 1-2 or 2-1, then it would go to the person with the most overall wins, which was Gillworth. But if Mark could win both moto’s the next week, then he would win the overall championship.
“Sounds tough,” Jeff said after Mark had explained this to him. “Just keep riding like you’ve been doing today.”
“Yeah,” Mark said. He looked over at the starting gates. It was the last race of moto 1 and then there would be a 10 minute lunch brake.
About 3 minutes before the end of lunch, Mark headed off to the starting gates. He was first gate pick, so Jeff started prepping the gate he wanted, and Mark turned his bike off to wait for the rest of the people.
When the card went up, Mark shifted into second gear to get ready for the gate to drop. When the gate fell, Mark popped out the clutch, but his bike bogged and died. He hurriedly restarted his bike and took off. He was gonna have to move up from the back of the pack. Once he caught up to everyone, Mark passed 5 or 6 people in the first corner. The next corner, he passed 3 people. He continued passing until his pitboard read he was in third. Bobby was in second, 7 seconds ahead. Mark was going as fast as he could through everything. He was about two seconds behind Bobby and 9 seconds behind Chris Gillworth when the white flag came out. Mark passed Bobby about halfway through the lap and then came across the finish line for second place. Mark road over to the podium to hear what Chris had to say.
“So pretty easy race for you, huh?” asked the interviewer guy.
“Oh, yeah I guess,” Chris Gillworth said. “I saw Peterson’s bike die off the start and knew I had to get far enough ahead so he couldn’t catch me, and that’s what I did.”
Mark gave his bike to Jeff and started walking back to the rig with him.
“You accidentally shifted into 3rd when you put it in gear. I tried to signal you, but you didn’t see me,” Jeff said.
“Argh,” Mark grimaced. “Sorry.”
“Don’t say sorry to me. I just want you to do good. You’ll just have to ride good next week,” Jeff said.
Mark sat on his bike waiting for the Supermini gates to drop. When they did, Mark took the holeshot. This time Steward was a little bit farther back in the pack. Mark took this to his advantage. Mark felt really good when he came across for the 8th lap. He was so far ahead that Jeff had put down the pitboard and just clapped as Mark went by. On the last lap he threw some whips and no-footers until he got to the checkered flag.
In his interview he just told them that he was happy to take the win. Then he walked back to the trailer.
Mark boarded the plane for the flight back to California. Once he got there, he would stay and train for 3 days. Then on Thursday he would get on another plane and fly to Washougal, Washington where the AMA pro national is held, to race the final race of the series. Then the series would be over.
Mark found his seat next to Jeff and pulled out a new magazine and started reading it.
When he got home, everyone instantly wanted to know how he did. He told them he went 2-1 and he would have to win both moto’s the next week in order to win the series.
“Oh boy,” Mark’s mom said. “This is gonna be a long week for you.”
Chapter 21
Jeff and Mark pulled into the parking lot of track. Mark got out and ran to the trailer to get his gear on for first practice. They were running a little bit late. 85 practice started at 8:45 and it was 8:38. By the time Mark got changed it was 8:43. He ran, started his bike and rode it to the gates where everyone was waiting to practice. He pulled up next to Bobby.
“Where have you been?” Bobby asked.
“We didn’t get our wake up call,” Mark said. Just then the flagger gave them the sign that it was ok to go. Mark was really feeling fast as he sped through the rough track. His confidence was high when he pulled off the track and went to get his other bike. Mark felt the same in Supermini practice. He was ready for his first moto.
Mark and Stephanie were talking to each other during the riders’ meeting. Mark was starting to realize he was liking Stephanie more than Payton and he didn’t know why. They weren’t really paying attention to the riders’ meeting until the announcer said, “I need everyone’s attention.” He waited for every one to look at him then said, “As you all know, this is round 8 of the USMXN series. There was originally supposed to be 11 rounds, but due to a shortage of money, next week will be the Final round of the series.” Everyone’s mouth dropped open, then immediately everyone was talking at the same time.
“Oh crap,” Mark said groaning.
“What?” asked Stephanie.
“That means it could come down to the last moto next week to decide if me or Gillworth wins.”
“Oh, I’m sure you’ll win,” Steph said.
“Yeah,” Mark said absentmindedly. “Maybe.” They listed the race order. Mark was moto’s 1 and 7. He went to get ready. Jeff was just as astounded as Mark to hear that the next week was the last round. They didn’t have much time to discuss it though, Mark’s 85A moto was first, so he started his bike up and rode it to the starting gates. He had first gate pick after Gillworth and picked a gate right next to him.
“Can you believe that next week is the last round?” Chris asked.
“Yeah, I know. Well at least this series will be over,” Mark said. After everyone got on the line, the card guy walked out onto the track and held up the card. Mark put his goggles on and revved up his bike. The card went sideways and the gate dropped. Mark pulled the holeshot and for some reason it seemed easy. ‘Probably because of the factory bike, and the holeshot device,’ he thought.
Mark flew up the first step up double and railed the next corner. He pulled ahead by a couple of seconds. As he came around a hairpin turn, Mark saw Blake Gopy cut the track and then he was ahead of Mark. Mark was furious! Didn’t anyone see that? There were no flaggers in the area.
‘Oh well,’ Mark thought. ‘I’ll re-pass him in a minute anyway.’ But Blake slowed down a bit and attempted to hit him. Mark was getting mad now, but he had promised himself that he wouldn’t hit Blake Gopy any more. After almost 2 laps of this, Mark had no choice. He had been dodging him.
As they came around a corner Mark tapped Blake and he fell. He got him out of the way. The white flag came out and Mark finished the lap and rode off the track. He was pretty happy with his performance considering on the last lap Jeff’s pit board had said he was 5 seconds ahead of Gillworth.
After Mark had gotten his helmet and jersey off and Jeff took his bike to go wash it, he went to tell Chris Gillworth good job.
“Good race,” Chris said when he saw Mark.
“You too,” Mark replied. “What happened?”
“I just couldn’t keep up,” said Chris, “Next moto then, huh?” Mark laughed and said, “See you later.” As he walked away he saw Payton walking toward Gillworth going to talk to him. Mark didn’t really care. He liked Stephanie more anyway.
Mark glanced at the starting gates and saw that race number 5 was on the line. He had to go get ready for Supermini. Mark put back on his jersey and rode over to the starting line. Once he got his gate pick, he shut off his bike and had Jeff hold it while he stretched. Jeff had been making him do that every time before he rode.
Mark was second in the start behind Mike Steward and started trying to pass him. After half a lap of Mark chasing Steward, Mark realized how good of a racer Steward was. Not only fast, but smart. When he was ahead and someone was trying to pass him, he wouldn’t stick to the outside lines, he would stay toward the inside which made him way harder to pass. Mark decided he would just have to pass him on the series of table tops that Mark was really fast at. After the second table top Mike and Mark were neck and neck. Then Mark got ahead. They exchanged positions over the next couple of laps. Then Steward passed Mark and took over the lead about 3 seconds ahead. But then Mark got on the gas and started railing some corners faster than Mike. Mark came into them so fast it was like he was halfway through a straightaway. Mark won the race by a good 4 seconds. He was grinning ear-to-ear when he pulled off the track and handed his bike off to Jeff.
Bobby, Stephanie and Payton all ran up to him. Mark high fived Bobby, and got a hug from both girls.
“That was great!” Stephanie said.
“Yeah,” Payton said, “You went really fast!”
Bobby snorted when she said this. “Well duh! He has to be going fast to win,” Bobby said. “I guess I’m gonna have to watch my back when I’m winning 85A and you’re behind me.” They laughed and started walking towards the Suzuki trailer. They walked by Chris Gillworth. He smiled at Payton.
As they walked away Mark said “Are you gonna ask him out?”
“What do you mean?”
“I saw him looking at you,” Mark said. She blushed and walked after Chris Gillworth.
“What do you think she’s doing?” Bobby asked.
“Probably going to talk to him,” Mark said.
Mark had spent 20 minutes looking at the points for 85A. He had finally figured out that if Gillworth won the next moto, then next week if they went 1-2 or 2-1, then it would go to the person with the most overall wins, which was Gillworth. But if Mark could win both moto’s the next week, then he would win the overall championship.
“Sounds tough,” Jeff said after Mark had explained this to him. “Just keep riding like you’ve been doing today.”
“Yeah,” Mark said. He looked over at the starting gates. It was the last race of moto 1 and then there would be a 10 minute lunch brake.
About 3 minutes before the end of lunch, Mark headed off to the starting gates. He was first gate pick, so Jeff started prepping the gate he wanted, and Mark turned his bike off to wait for the rest of the people.
When the card went up, Mark shifted into second gear to get ready for the gate to drop. When the gate fell, Mark popped out the clutch, but his bike bogged and died. He hurriedly restarted his bike and took off. He was gonna have to move up from the back of the pack. Once he caught up to everyone, Mark passed 5 or 6 people in the first corner. The next corner, he passed 3 people. He continued passing until his pitboard read he was in third. Bobby was in second, 7 seconds ahead. Mark was going as fast as he could through everything. He was about two seconds behind Bobby and 9 seconds behind Chris Gillworth when the white flag came out. Mark passed Bobby about halfway through the lap and then came across the finish line for second place. Mark road over to the podium to hear what Chris had to say.
“So pretty easy race for you, huh?” asked the interviewer guy.
“Oh, yeah I guess,” Chris Gillworth said. “I saw Peterson’s bike die off the start and knew I had to get far enough ahead so he couldn’t catch me, and that’s what I did.”
Mark gave his bike to Jeff and started walking back to the rig with him.
“You accidentally shifted into 3rd when you put it in gear. I tried to signal you, but you didn’t see me,” Jeff said.
“Argh,” Mark grimaced. “Sorry.”
“Don’t say sorry to me. I just want you to do good. You’ll just have to ride good next week,” Jeff said.
Mark sat on his bike waiting for the Supermini gates to drop. When they did, Mark took the holeshot. This time Steward was a little bit farther back in the pack. Mark took this to his advantage. Mark felt really good when he came across for the 8th lap. He was so far ahead that Jeff had put down the pitboard and just clapped as Mark went by. On the last lap he threw some whips and no-footers until he got to the checkered flag.
In his interview he just told them that he was happy to take the win. Then he walked back to the trailer.
Mark boarded the plane for the flight back to California. Once he got there, he would stay and train for 3 days. Then on Thursday he would get on another plane and fly to Washougal, Washington where the AMA pro national is held, to race the final race of the series. Then the series would be over.
Mark found his seat next to Jeff and pulled out a new magazine and started reading it.
When he got home, everyone instantly wanted to know how he did. He told them he went 2-1 and he would have to win both moto’s the next week in order to win the series.
“Oh boy,” Mark’s mom said. “This is gonna be a long week for you.”
- May 31, 2002
- 1,229
- 2
:cool:
shaunwhite11188
Member
- Sep 7, 2007
- 12
- 0
sweet cant wait till next
flyingfuzzball
Member
- May 10, 2007
- 957
- 0
what they said. er typed.
unfortunately i dont think that was your best chapter. didnt really have any detail and the stephanie payton switch thing seemed too forced for me.
sorry just some critism (which i probably spelled wrong)
unfortunately i dont think that was your best chapter. didnt really have any detail and the stephanie payton switch thing seemed too forced for me.
sorry just some critism (which i probably spelled wrong)
JD_MXRacer
Member
- Nov 27, 2006
- 411
- 0
nice chapter . youre doing good at keeping it interesting. keep it up!
olderndirtmom
Member
- Apr 28, 2007
- 424
- 1
Nice Job db_f. I didn't think the girl thing seemed forced at all. But then again I'm 92 and a woman and have never actually been a 13 year old fictional boy, so what in the blazes would I know!
I liked the race stuff, too. Now, we're all going to start nagging for the finale!!! You've got a lot of stuff to cover! :cool:
I liked the race stuff, too. Now, we're all going to start nagging for the finale!!! You've got a lot of stuff to cover! :cool:
flyingfuzzball
Member
- May 10, 2007
- 957
- 0
olderndirtmom said:
olderndirtmom
Member
- Apr 28, 2007
- 424
- 1
critism = criticism. DRN has spell check. Once the red line appears under a word (after you hit the space bar), if you go back and highlight the word, then right click, it will give you some suggestions. :nod:
I'm pretty sure db_f doesn't mind me speaking for him on this. He welcomes feedback. I think he'd love to have a myspace or group dedicated to just that. ;) It does get a little boring to read 'great what's next'. Thoughtful commentary is soooo much more interesting. :cool:
I'm pretty sure db_f doesn't mind me speaking for him on this. He welcomes feedback. I think he'd love to have a myspace or group dedicated to just that. ;) It does get a little boring to read 'great what's next'. Thoughtful commentary is soooo much more interesting. :cool:
Last edited:
150rguy said:
Because you have a thread right here to discuss such things. :coocoo:
Coloner_Dre
Member
- Feb 8, 2006
- 30
- 0
Damn thats pretty good kept me reading which is hard to do.
ShoujoKakumei
Member
- Sep 14, 2007
- 27
- 0
Not bad, especially considering you're a teenager - I didn't have the patience to write anything of any significant length until college, lol.
I'm going to be penning a MX-themed story as well, for NaNoWriMo next month. (National Novel Writing Month, an annual November-based challenge to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days.) I think you'll have me beat on realism as far as racing goes, though - research can't make up for experience...
I'm going to be penning a MX-themed story as well, for NaNoWriMo next month. (National Novel Writing Month, an annual November-based challenge to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days.) I think you'll have me beat on realism as far as racing goes, though - research can't make up for experience...
washington_rider
Member
- Jun 26, 2007
- 16
- 0
EXCELENT EXCELENT EXCELENT EXCELENT!!!
i know what should happen... some unknown guy named Kevin Yochum should appear out of nowhere and completely whoop ALL of them!!! :)
as for some suggestions... the only thing i can think of is "he said"
"said mark"
"she said"
"said jeff"...
etc
etc
etc
you need to try and use some different variations... he exclaimed, he threatened, she enticed, or even spice the "he said"'s with "he said unintentionally".
but who am i to talk? i dont see myself (or anybody else with suggestions for that matter) willing to do the same thing as you!!
cant wait for the next/last chapter!!!
i know what should happen... some unknown guy named Kevin Yochum should appear out of nowhere and completely whoop ALL of them!!! :)
as for some suggestions... the only thing i can think of is "he said"
"said mark"
"she said"
"said jeff"...
etc
etc
etc
you need to try and use some different variations... he exclaimed, he threatened, she enticed, or even spice the "he said"'s with "he said unintentionally".
but who am i to talk? i dont see myself (or anybody else with suggestions for that matter) willing to do the same thing as you!!
cant wait for the next/last chapter!!!
dirtbike_freak
Member
- Dec 10, 2006
- 211
- 0
- Thread starter
- #521
washington_rider said:
Youre definetly right. In chap 22 i've been working on not using said very much.
I used 150r guys thumper talk account to post the first chapter on there so I could see how they like it.
dirtbike_freak
Member
- Dec 10, 2006
- 211
- 0
- Thread starter
- #522
Btw- Chapter 22 Is Coming Along Great!
flyingfuzzball
Member
- May 10, 2007
- 957
- 0
what do you mean?
