Getting along with the opposite sex
- Thread starter firecracker22
- Start date
- Nov 22, 2000
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Yeah, I guess you could say that. It was more like 24-7 maintenance. I'm bored out of my mind now that she's gone. :)
- Feb 9, 2000
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Here is a question both parties need to ask
"Am I doing what it takes to make this relationship work" , or "all that it takes to save this relationship".
or
"Am I doing what it takes to break this relationship" !!
Woman like to nag, sometimes like a constant dripping tap, not very encouraging or productive if on the receiving end.
Now, if the answer to the above question, is "No, I am not doing all what it takes to make this relationship work", from either party, then the next question has to be asked "why" ! - If neither of the parties is putting the required effort in, then both will get nothing out of it.
Also, sometimes guys need to know if something more is required from them. Many apply, "If it ain't broke, why fixit' methodology.
On the other hand, it seems that a woman's prerogative, if everything is going well, is to try and screw things up, by 'fixing' things. Don't know what this is, maybe some people need conflict as a validation of emotions.
"Am I doing what it takes to make this relationship work" , or "all that it takes to save this relationship".
or
"Am I doing what it takes to break this relationship" !!
Woman like to nag, sometimes like a constant dripping tap, not very encouraging or productive if on the receiving end.
Now, if the answer to the above question, is "No, I am not doing all what it takes to make this relationship work", from either party, then the next question has to be asked "why" ! - If neither of the parties is putting the required effort in, then both will get nothing out of it.
Also, sometimes guys need to know if something more is required from them. Many apply, "If it ain't broke, why fixit' methodology.
On the other hand, it seems that a woman's prerogative, if everything is going well, is to try and screw things up, by 'fixing' things. Don't know what this is, maybe some people need conflict as a validation of emotions.
- Feb 9, 2000
- 2,450
- 2
HHMWC" (HHMWC" (Had a High Maintenance Wife Club) ) can apply to us married guys as well - 'Have a High Maintenance Wife Club' - What is worse, being in the club, or out of it ! :p :eek:
- Oct 13, 1999
- 2,812
- 0
Ah yes, the feast or famine days. :eek:
Thump
Jr Admin Type
- Jan 17, 2000
- 4,656
- 7
FC22, try something new.... throw him for a loop. When you say "I feel fat today" follow it up with "here, feel me". He will give you a feel and I doubt seriously that he will tell you to go on a diet.
Wanna talk about relationship probs with him? Get the bat out. Some things just aint worth listening to.
Wanna talk about relationship probs with him? Get the bat out. Some things just aint worth listening to.
- Oct 20, 2000
- 2,969
- 2
My bass player used to always offer this bit of advice to the bride / groom for a long and happy relationship.
The 1st bit of advice goes to the bride and says:
When ever you and your husband argue make sure the husband gets the last two words in!
And to the groom:
Make sure those last two words are YES DEAR!
The 1st bit of advice goes to the bride and says:
When ever you and your husband argue make sure the husband gets the last two words in!
And to the groom:
Make sure those last two words are YES DEAR!
firecracker22
Sponsoring Member
- Oct 23, 2000
- 3,217
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- Thread starter
- #84
Holy cow 5 pages in less than 24 hours!
TTR Guy, you need to teach him these wonderful lessons you’ve learned.
Flash cards LOL! I might try that one! Perhaps reward him with a beer or a more revealing outfit if he gets one or two right. Probably better than the baseball bat, about which I was kidding. Mostly.
This is hard for me because I have not been in a serious relationship before. Not a good one, anyway. And he is the same way; we are both stubborn, independent and a little selfish from being alone. He’s a little older than me so he’s even more like this. The LAST thing I want him to do is change and I do NOT want to be a “typical” whiny, emotional female. I like to think I’m not too bad.
The details are hard to explain—it’s a whole lot of little issues (on both of our sides) that are building up as we learn to live together. It hasn’t been 2 months yet. I don’t want to alienate him or fight with him, I hate confrontations. It’s hard to know how to deal with a tense situation sometimes though since I watched my parents scream at each other for 10 years before they split up. Part of it is I am trying to stop problems before they become problems. One thing is a space issue, neither of us is used to sharing. Part of it is that I feel a little left out—he doesn’t involve me much at all with his friends, interests, etc. I don’t want to be there all the time but at least once in a while I’d like an invite.
I believe he is the one. Several of our friends have said the same thing to me. He posted pictures of me on a snowmobile forum in a girlfriend-bragging thread so I know he’s proud of me. Though he rides snowmobiles and I have my bike, we both share a love for motorsports. Our upbringings and lifestyles are similar. And he makes me all jittery inside when he . . . well, never mind. Anyway. ;)
I am SO not making sense, I realize.
BTW The “Do I look fat” question was an example. I have never asked that of anyone.
TTR Guy, you need to teach him these wonderful lessons you’ve learned.
Flash cards LOL! I might try that one! Perhaps reward him with a beer or a more revealing outfit if he gets one or two right. Probably better than the baseball bat, about which I was kidding. Mostly.
This is part of it, I’m sure. He has always been commitment-phobic and I was shocked when he invited me to move in. I made double sure HE wanted this—we discussed it for 2 months.
This is hard for me because I have not been in a serious relationship before. Not a good one, anyway. And he is the same way; we are both stubborn, independent and a little selfish from being alone. He’s a little older than me so he’s even more like this. The LAST thing I want him to do is change and I do NOT want to be a “typical” whiny, emotional female. I like to think I’m not too bad.
The details are hard to explain—it’s a whole lot of little issues (on both of our sides) that are building up as we learn to live together. It hasn’t been 2 months yet. I don’t want to alienate him or fight with him, I hate confrontations. It’s hard to know how to deal with a tense situation sometimes though since I watched my parents scream at each other for 10 years before they split up. Part of it is I am trying to stop problems before they become problems. One thing is a space issue, neither of us is used to sharing. Part of it is that I feel a little left out—he doesn’t involve me much at all with his friends, interests, etc. I don’t want to be there all the time but at least once in a while I’d like an invite.
I believe he is the one. Several of our friends have said the same thing to me. He posted pictures of me on a snowmobile forum in a girlfriend-bragging thread so I know he’s proud of me. Though he rides snowmobiles and I have my bike, we both share a love for motorsports. Our upbringings and lifestyles are similar. And he makes me all jittery inside when he . . . well, never mind. Anyway. ;)
I am SO not making sense, I realize.
BTW The “Do I look fat” question was an example. I have never asked that of anyone.
It kinda sounds like the "honeymoon is over" Now that the newness is wearing off, reality sets in. What you have to ask yourself (& he should do the same) is are you willing to sacrifice and try to make things work. If you are then work at it and talk to him about how you feel. Otherwise, he won't know how you are feeling. Especially if you try to stop the problems before they become a problem. It can't always be you giving, he needs to too.
I hope it works out for you. Whatever you want to happen.
I hope it works out for you. Whatever you want to happen.
firecracker22
Sponsoring Member
- Oct 23, 2000
- 3,217
- 0
- Thread starter
- #86
Ha the "newness" only lasted a few days if that.
Don't get me wrong, it's not bad at all. It's great to be with him every day. We just need to iron out a few wrinkles.
The baseball thing is a long running joke between my mother and I.
Don't get me wrong, it's not bad at all. It's great to be with him every day. We just need to iron out a few wrinkles.
The baseball thing is a long running joke between my mother and I.
SpeedyManiac
Member
- Aug 8, 2000
- 2,378
- 0
The best two words to use when I get in an argument with a girl is to just let it go and say 'You're Right.' This works very well, even if they were wrong.
DahlElama
LIFETIME SPONSOR
- Aug 15, 2001
- 329
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that's the problem... we don't want to iron....laundry is womens work. ;)
It's not about finding someone who you can live with.... it's about finding someone who you can't live without. *
*From the book "Things to Say to Chicks to Make Them Think You Are Sensitive"
FC22,
Ask any of the "experienced" folks here and I believe they'll tell you that this issue takes time to figure out and it constantly changes. 19 years next week for me. :eek: Whoops, I gotta go shopping! :o
Ask yourself 2 questions:
Have you made your feelings clear? (He may assume you're not interested in his interests, friends, etc.)
If so, does he also know you don't intend to crowd his "space"? (Very important)
BTW: The naked and beer thing works, but for some reason I have Louisville Slugger tattooed on my forehead! :|
OK, I'm going out on a limb here...but I've found that a good roll in the hay fixes most everything(for awhile anywho)....save for maybe the allergies! :)
All right, I'll admit it... I've been to marriage counselling about 14 years ago (yes, still married). FC, the biggest message the counsellor slammed into our heads was not to assume what the other person is feeling or thinking... clarify by asking them (or in my case, asking 100 times or more to finally get the answer). Perhaps you and your significant other don't have this problem.
Otherwise, in our case at least, we would be jumping to erroneous and usually detrimental conclusions.
Gawd, it's hard not to joke when it comes to talking about relationships... must be a guy defense-mechanism.
Otherwise, in our case at least, we would be jumping to erroneous and usually detrimental conclusions.
Gawd, it's hard not to joke when it comes to talking about relationships... must be a guy defense-mechanism.
- Feb 9, 2000
- 3,718
- 0
I should probably add that Aimee makes it very easy for me to treat her well. She rarely if ever actually asks for anything, I can't think of anything about me that she has ever tried to change and she treats me with respect and kindness too. We both give each other a lot of space, trust and our own time to do things. If only 1 person in a relationship acted this way it would be very difficult. It is most definitely a two way street.
- Feb 8, 2000
- 3,136
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Ohhh, I'll be busting out the saran wrap, whipped cream and a CASE of beer after THAT!!! :) :) :)
Ol'89r
LIFETIME SPONSOR
- Jan 27, 2000
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I feel respect has a lot to do with it. You have to show respect for each other. If only one person is trying to keep the relationship together, it's not gonna work.
The blame game. Don't play the blame game. We are the masters of our own destiny. If you don't like the way things are going, take it upon yourself to change it. Don't blame the other person. Of course it is much easier to blame someone else than to take the responsibility yourself.
The little stuff. Sharla, you said there are a lot of little things. One thing I have found is, when one of you is laying in a hospital bed with a serious or life threatening injury or illness, the last thing on your mind is the little stuff. Talk out the little stuff before it gets to be big stuff.
Communication. I feel this if really the key to a relationship. Don't let things go. If there is a problem, talk it out. If you let a little problem go, it will turn into a big problem.
Keep in mind that we are completly different animals. We, (men and women), think differently, act differently, see things differently. As mentioned in a previous post, men like to fix things. When something goes wrong, we get our tool boxes out and fix it. Well, sometimes women don't want us to fix it. They just want our sympathy. Of course, men arn't programed to be sympathetic.
Ok, so I really have'nt been married for 38 years. It's only been 37. Just feels like 38. :scream:
My Wife and I are best friends, well most of the time anyway. After 37 years we still hold hands when we go somewhere together and I could not imagine life without her.
Ok, I've let out way too much information here, :eek: Back to our regular programing. :)
Ol'89r
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